Here’s What’s Really Going on…

So, things have become a little crazy and some people are very confused. The most popular question is: “What the hell is this?” In order to answer that, I have to take you back to the very beginning.

I, Don Blackburn, and my partner in crime Biscuit Dollapacca have an idea. We think that if we can dress the entire homeless population like 70’s street pimps, they would become a tourist attraction. There are plenty of obvious revenue streams here that can be used to fund leg up programs, job placement services and drug and alcohol addiction centers.

We went to find the homeless man who could adequately represent our brand. After plenty of interviews, we decided that Slappy is our man. He is charming, well-spoken, kind, intelligent and completely bat-shit crazy. Once the costume was on, he immediately declared himself Archbishop Slappy and he has taken on that persona ever since.

To promote our organization tried some stunts on Facebook, they failed. We tried a different approach on twitter, that failed too. We tried to sell T-shirts, no one wants them. We made really funny videos, no one watched. We have a feature length movie script, it gets great reviews, but no one wants to buy it. This means that we have no money for pimp suits for the rest of the homeless, so our idea failed.

I couldn’t put Slappy back out on the streets, so I moved him into my basement. I gave him a TV, an old cell phone and an old computer. He spent most of his time watching reruns of “That’s My Mama” until late 2018. That is when the fake homeless pimp appeared in Georgia and Slappy went ballistic. He started an Instagram account, learned to photo shop and has been doing some of the most oddly hilarious things ever since. He is very smart and really funny.

So that’s it. That’s what’s happening. Now for some other frequently asked questions:

This can’t be real, right?
The story above is the 100% truth

Is he really homeless?
Sort of, he’s lived in my basement for over a year now. That’s not really a home.

What’s his real name?
I don’t know. He insists that his only name is Slappy. I know almost nothing about his past. If you ask him about his past, you might get a fabricated, but completely hilarious story.

You let a bat-shit crazy homeless man live in your basement?
What else was I supposed to do? As I said, he is charming and intelligent. He is kind and harmless. He really isn’t that much of an inconvenience now that I am used to him

You’re okay with his constant anti-white racism?
If you’re offended by what a bat-shit crazy, homeless man thinks about racial constructs in the US, you are way too sensitive

Why do the memes have perfect grammar and “Slappy” can’t spell or speak well?
Your guess is as good as mine. He’s really smart. He speaks well. Watch the videos, you’ll see it. Why he writes like that makes no sense. Personally, I stopped trying to make sense of any of this long ago. My best guess is that there is more than one person in that head.


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