Here’s What’s Really Going on…

So, things have become a little crazy and some people are very confused. The most popular question is: “What the hell is this?” In order to answer that, I have to take you back to the very beginning.

I, Don Blackburn, and my partner in crime Biscuit Dollapacca have an idea. We think that if we can dress the entire homeless population like 70’s street pimps, they would become a tourist attraction. There are plenty of obvious revenue streams here that can be used to fund leg up programs, job placement services and drug and alcohol addiction centers.

We went to find the homeless man who could adequately represent our brand. After plenty of interviews, we decided that Slappy is our man. He is charming, well-spoken, kind, intelligent and completely bat-shit crazy. Once the costume was on, he immediately declared himself Archbishop Slappy and he has taken on that persona ever since.

To promote our organization tried some stunts on Facebook, they failed. We tried a different approach on twitter, that failed too. We tried to sell T-shirts, no one wants them. We made really funny videos, no one watched. We have a feature length movie script, it gets great reviews, but no one wants to buy it. This means that we have no money for pimp suits for the rest of the homeless, so our idea failed.

I couldn’t put Slappy back out on the streets, so I moved him into my basement. I gave him a TV, an old cell phone and an old computer. He spent most of his time watching reruns of “That’s My Mama” until late 2018. That is when the fake homeless pimp appeared in Georgia and Slappy went ballistic. He started an Instagram account, learned to photo shop and has been doing some of the most oddly hilarious things ever since. He is very smart and really funny.

So that’s it. That’s what’s happening. Now for some other frequently asked questions:

This can’t be real, right?
The story above is the 100% truth

Is he really homeless?
Sort of, he’s lived in my basement for over a year now. That’s not really a home.

What’s his real name?
I don’t know. He insists that his only name is Slappy. I know almost nothing about his past. If you ask him about his past, you might get a fabricated, but completely hilarious story.

You let a bat-shit crazy homeless man live in your basement?
What else was I supposed to do? As I said, he is charming and intelligent. He is kind and harmless. He really isn’t that much of an inconvenience now that I am used to him

You’re okay with his constant anti-white racism?
If you’re offended by what a bat-shit crazy, homeless man thinks about racial constructs in the US, you are way too sensitive

Why do the memes have perfect grammar and “Slappy” can’t spell or speak well?
Your guess is as good as mine. He’s really smart. He speaks well. Watch the videos, you’ll see it. Why he writes like that makes no sense. Personally, I stopped trying to make sense of any of this long ago. My best guess is that there is more than one person in that head.

Are We Serious?

Thank you for all the attention that has recently been brought to the site. One question has been repeatedly asked…ARE WE SERIOUS?  The answer is yes.  The videos are obviously staged and the Archbishop is now living in my basement, but our dream remains. Slappy runs his own Instagram page and Facebook pages with a little help from me so it’s not a handout.  He is learning how to market himself.

We hope to make enough profit from our awesome t-shirts to fully fund our dream of dressing all the homeless of Philadelphia like 1970’s street pimps.  Send a message to this site’s box for purchase information.

On top of that, Slappy is available to make an appearance or host your next frat party, club opening or bachelor parties.

We also hope you find our videos on youtube are entertaining enough to generate revenue. (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-RhhqXCeKjgZ-IyuqOOhSg)  We think the’re pretty funny.  But we also know that we are new to this so we are constantly striving to improve.

It’s a capitalistic approach to a very real problem.  If we can get them the suits, they will become a tourist attraction and they will have the income stream to have the opportunity to get off the streets permanently. It’s really pretty simple.

How Slappy Saved Christmas

The Archbishop was so inspired and thankful for your support over the last few months that he decided to give you all the gift of his original Christmas story.  Here he is with, “How Slappy Saved Christmas”.  Although, he prefers the title, “The Pimpus Claus”.

Slappy Photos

Despite what some people on the internet want you to believe, Archbishop Slappy is in the state.  For the time being, he lives in my basement.  Also, contrary the rumors that you may have heard, he is not locked in my basement.  He is free to come and go as he pleases, but for security reasons we do lock it when we are sleeping.  There is also window that he can get out of if he needs to.

Anyway, the photos of His Royal Pimpness that have been circulating are FAKE.  If you look closely, you can see that it is the same picture of him cleverly photoshopped in different settings.  That being said, it is kind of funny and it does bring awareness to our cause.  There is no bad press I guess, so here are a couple of my favorites:

Slappy Saved by the bellFull House

And of course, Archbishop Slappy with Cambodian children:

Cambodians

Raffle

Check out our new monthly raffle.  It is free to enter and one lucky winner will be drawn on the 20th of every month.  The winner will receive signed, authentic memoribilia!  Limit one entry per e-mail address.  Multiple entries will void all entries involving duplicate e-mail addresses.  Good Luck!