First Event

Our inaugural “Pimps Up, Homelessness Down” fundraiser is tonight at the Moose Lodge.  Dollar hot dogs and a cash bar will be available for all who attend.  The cover charge is $5 in advance and $7 at the door.  D.J. Krazy Kevvy will be spinning all your favorite tunes.  So far we have only sold 9 tickets. 

For those who are too cheap to buy tickets, don’t think you can just stroll in without paying.  I know that Jerry is a board member and he thinks all members should be able to bypass the cover, but I have rented the entire hall.  Your membership means nothing tonight.  Al Jordan assured me that there will be penalties for those who neglect this club rule. 

Who’s the dumbass for hiring Kevin Jordan to DJ now, Jerry?

More Pimps

Due to a need to expand, we recently increased Slappy’s royalty fee from 20 to 25% of the net after management fees.  This has allowed us to try and help two more souls.  After an exhausting tryout, we have settled upon two men.  Their names are Bobo and Cha Cha.  Bobo will be dressed in a green and gold motif while Cha Cha will be wearing royal purple. 

If you see either, please show them how much you appreciate the people on the bottom rung of our society trying to make the city a better place.  Imagine flocks of tourists coming to Philly just to tip the homeless!  It’s going to be a huge hit!